Using Difficult Experiences to Make Us Better Parents and Better Followers of Christ

By Dina Alexander, MS

Have you noticed how new experiences, particularly painful or distressing ones, can give us new understanding and clarity about ourselves and our circumstances? The pandemic of these past 18 months has been a time where I have gained a new appreciation for my family, preparing for the future, home centered learning, religious freedom, and more. 

But how many of us were really prepared for the experience of quarantine? Or school closings, travel restrictions, church at home, or a mass push for rapid vaccinations? Not to mention the simmering tensions around the country and on social media, a bizarre national election, and twisted media agendas from every major network.

It showed me that we can think we are prepared for something, but we really don’t “get it” until we experience it. This is especially true for me. I spend so much time rushing around, “trying to get things done” that I seldom stop and think about what I have accomplished and what I must prepare for and accomplish in the future. 

Insights from Jeffrey R. Holland

In one of my favorite talks, “None Were with Him,” Elder Jeffrey Holland says, “Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?’ The loss of mortal support He had anticipated, but apparently He had not comprehended this.”

This amazes me! Even Jesus Christ, the Son of God, could not fully anticipate the pain and absolute aloneness He would experience in the Garden. He grew line upon life, precept upon precept. He was the only begotten Son, but even He could not fully foresee what He was going to endure.

We too cannot fully comprehend certain experiences until we actually go through them. When my fourth child was born stillborn, this became very poignant for me. With each pregnancy I was reminded of the risks to me and my unborn child. I researched and read up with each pregnancy, wanting to be prepared for various experiences. But absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the worst day of my life, or for the mourning I went through over the next few months, and to a smaller extent, the next few years. 

Our Heavenly Parents Will Never Leave Us Alone

However, I never felt alone. Even in my absolute grief and utter sadness, I was being comforted. What a blessing! I knew that God was looking out for me and cared about me. Sometimes people at church or in the community were helpful and empathetic. Sometimes they were not. Sometimes the grief would sneak up on me and overwhelm me. Through all of this, I knew that our Heavenly Parents were mindful of me and I was not alone. This gave me the strength to keep going, to hold onto my faith, and keep loving and caring for my other three children and husband.

Unlike the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane, we never have to endure life alone. We never have to face our demons or suffer hardship alone. In the same talk, Elder Holland says, “Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: ‘I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].’” 

What an incredible, almost incomprehensible promise. Whatever the future brings, whatever pandemic or war or trial we will go through, we will never be left alone or without support from our Heavenly Parents or their Son, Jesus Christ.

A Family Time Resource to Build Strong, Prepared Kids

Our kids will be facing even more challenges than we have experienced in our lifetime. We can strengthen them by talking about some of these tough topics as well as our faith and ways to be spiritually prepared. Check out our books Conversations with My Kids: 30 Essential Family Discussions for the Digital Age and 30 Days to a Stronger Child for helpful, meaningful conversations that create connection and strengthen families.

*There are affiliate links in this post. Any proceeds we may receive from these helps build and maintain our website.

Dina Alexander is the founder of Educate and Empower Kids (educateempowerkids.org), an organization determined to strengthen families by teaching digital citizenship, media literacy, and healthy sexuality education—including education about the dangers of online porn. She is the creator of How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography and the 30 Days of Sex Talks and 30 Days to a Stronger Child programs. She is also the author of Noah’s New Phone: A Story About Using Technology for Good and Petra’s Power to See: A Media Literacy Adventure. 

Most recently she has published The Powers of Heaven, A Priesthood Guide for Latter-day Saint Girls and Boys, Chloe has a Question, a Very Important Question and This is the Spirit of Revelation for Latter-day Saint children.

Dina received her master’s degree in recreation therapy from the University of Utah and her bachelors from Brigham Young University. She loves being a mom and spending time with her husband and three kids. Together, they live in New Mexico. She has been a speaker at BYU Women’s Conference, has twice presented on the Mormon Channel’s Gospel Solutions for Families, and has been a guest on over 20 podcasts. She is currently in production with Deseret Books’ SEEK program where she is filming a short video series on how to talk with children about pornography.

References:

Holland, J. R. (2009, April). None were with him. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved October 15, 2021, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng.