More Than a Meal: 5 Ways to Deeply Connect at Dinner

By: Ariane Robinson

Growing up some of my fondest memories were made around the dinner table. My grandmother loved to cook, and we would often gather in her home to laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Having dinner together as a family was a time to share what was going on in our lives and spend time with the people we cared about the most. Looking back over the years, I have come to realize what made those family meals so special and memorable was not the amazing food, but that I felt loved by and connected to those around that table. 

Feeling connected and loved is important for us as human beings. Researchers are finding  one of the challenges in the digital age is our growing reliance on social technology rather than face-to-face interaction. And it’s making us feel way more isolated. We feel less connected to others, and our relationships are becoming more superficial and less rewarding (Harris, 2015). As parents one of the easier, yet still powerful, things we can do to show our children we love them is to take time to disconnect from our screens and connect with them over a meal. 

The following are 5 suggestions to help you have more meaningful connections with your children at meal times:  

• Remove Distractions-Remember the best way to connect is to disconnect. That means we need to keep meal times free from electronic devices such cell phones, tablets, and television (Palmer, 2018). Without these distractions, we will be able to focus on those at the table with us, and be more present in the moment.
• Keep it Simple-We don’t need to cook like a gourmet chef or spend all day searching the internet for the perfect dinner. Even if you are only able to sit down and have a PB&J sandwich together, do it (Schrick, 2017). Over the years, your kids might not remember every meal you cooked, but they will remember you enjoyed it together.
• Don’t Rush-While we all lead busy lives, try to set aside some time throughout the week where you don’t have other obligations and have to rush through your meal (Schrick, 2017). Encourage your children to not rush through their meal because they are worried about what they might be missing on social media or with their friends. Feeling relaxed and calm at our meals can help us to want to engage in more thoughtful conversation.
• Try to Keep the Conversation Positive-Encourage your child to share their opinions on various topics, and be open to their point of view. If you disagree with what they are saying, do so in a kind way that encourages them to want to continue the conversation. If we want our children to stand up for themselves and be positive in their online world, they need to develop those skills in their offline world.
• Ask open ended questions-If you have not been having regular conversations with your child and are not sure where to start, you can begin by asking simple, open ended question such as these questions from All Pro Dad:
  •    Who is your best friend? Why are they your best friend?
    • Who would you most like to meet?
    • What’s the hardest part about going to school?
    • What is the most important thing in your life?
    • If you could take a family vacation any place in the world, where would you go?

Asking these simple questions, listening, and then responding thoughtfully to your child can make it easier for them to open up to you and to tackle challenging topics such as pornography and cyberbullying.

There’s a popular quote that reads, “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things (Brault, 1985).” As parents, meal times may seem like a little thing, but over time they can amount to thousands of hours of laughs, conversations, and love. If you haven’t had the chance in awhile, and you are feeling like your family needs to make a connection, show your love for them and plan a family meal!

Ready for powerful discussions and activities that will bring you and your kids closer together? Check out our book 30 Days to a Stronger Child. Some of our favorite topics/lessons include: positive self-talk, assertiveness, gratitude, optimism, and critical thinking. 

Or Check out Conversations with My Kids: 30 Essential Family Discussions for the Digital Age–A simple, super-helpful guide that gives YOU the words to talk about the tough, timely topics of today (like racism, integrity, agency, healthy sexuality, LGBTQI issues, social media, and more). 

Ariane Robinson is the mother of five children. She is a Marriage and Family Studies Major and a certified facilitator with PREPARE/ENRICH, a program designed to help couples develop skills to improve their relationships. She enjoys working with families and helping to strengthen their relationships.  

Citations:

Brault, R. (1986, September). “Quotable Quotes”. Reader’s Digest, 139.

Harris, R. (2015, March 30). Are we lonelier than ever? Retrieved from https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/the-loneliness-epidemic-more-connected-than-ever-but-feeling-more-alone-10143206.html

Palmer, W. (2018). The Power of Family Mealtimes. Retrieved from https://guideinc.org/2017/03/06/the-power-of-family-mealtimes/

Schrick, B. (2017). Improving family mealtimes | how to connect with kids at mealtimes. Retrieved from https://www.uaex.edu/health-living/personal-family-well-being/family-life-fridays-blog/posts/TheFamilyTable.FLF.aspx